How to summon Fappy Appy

The Ritual

# Go and buy a white van.
# Gather these materials: A computer, a plank
# of wood, an iPhone 4s, an apple, a cactus, a sex toy, a cassette tape of the Star Wars Christmas Special, some donkey sperm, and a lemon meringue pie.
# Go inside the van.
# Take the apple and dip it in the sperm.
# Take the cactus, stick it into the pie, and throw it by the apple.
# Put the cassette tape and play it on the computer.
# Order a pizza using the iPhone 4s.
# When the pizza arrives, hit it with the plank until the tomato sauce squirts out.
# Make a Satanic sacrificial circle with the sauce and wrap the pizza around the pie.
# Play Darude-Sandstorm on the computer but keep the video playing, it should be halfway done now.
# Then chant these words: "Poopy Butts, Poo
# py Butts, Playing in the Mud. Fuckity Fuck, Fuckity Fuck, Get Gud" to the tune of Sandstorm and throw the sex toy into the circle.
# There you go, Fappy Appy should appear in the circle in front of you and the ritual is done.